Quick Update

Monday, July 2, 2012

I just wanted to give you a quick update on how my transition into ummmm the hell if I know where or who but I sure hope it's something good .....I'm not having a good day today I was awake last night til 3am so along with the day I'm just dragging ..........

 I hope this is not going to be a every night part of menopause because if there is one thing I love it's my sleep …..

 I am also very depressed today and I have to be careful of that because I get so easy caught up in depression its dangerous ……I just can’t seem to shake this feeling of sadness ….

 Maybe I just need to get a job and that will be hopefully solved once I start classes in Sept and then I can get back to doing what I love working as a Nursing Assistant or the closest I can get to it in Canada

 I can’t believe I wanted to move up here so bad and now I ask myself everyday why ….My sons and grand kids are still so far away and yes I know it will be easier to go see them once Mike can get a vacation but I wish they all lived around me so I didn’t have to feel like I had no one in the world only Mike ….Having just Mike is not all that bad  :~/  but someone has to work  ……

 This is the only place I can really vent about how I feel about this move because I’m pretty sure Mike doesn’t read my blog and he is so content here …He loves his job but I know he worries about me and hates to hear that I am unhappy which I seem to be a lot lately ..But when we were down in the US I was unhappy because I wanted to be here so he already thinks it’s impossible to make me happy ….

 I don’t even know what I want but I do know it’s not here …I do know I have to try and be ok with being here because we can’t even afford to move anymore and I couldn’t handle moving again if we could ….

 So there that is my not so quick update …I guess I said all that to say I feel so isolated and lonely and I hate it …I just want to find my happy place, maybe I need to talk to my doctor and get back on something  I don’t know …..

 I’m so sorry for rambling all the time but next time I will feel better I promise …….

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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