Another sleepless night

Sunday, December 2, 2012

"Whatever story you tell, whether good or bad, will be the story of your life" I love this quote by Rhonda Byrne ....It's so deep but yet so simple once you get it.....

I have spent the better part of the night not being able to sleep because of thoughts running through my head.....I think stress is going to be the death of me ....I don't know if I am over sensitive or when I think I've been hurt I haven't really ....How do you know when you need to stop overlooking and walk away ......Another quote keeps running through my mind tonight.....“So what do you do when the spinning starts and the motion carries the time wild
by you and you cannot stop to see one thing to grab and stop yourself ? You stand still the best you can and say strong and loud For the circle of spinning to stop so you can walk away from the noise”

That's how I feel right now and I don't know how to walk away from the noise anymore....I thought when I walked away from my abusive marriage I would never allow myself ever again to be around people that made me feel awkward or uncomfortable but somehow I still manage to get there sometimes .......I know we can't live in a perfect world but one thing we are allowed to do and that is to walk away from the noise

I looked up the definition of noise and its a sound, esp. one that is loud or unpleasant or that causes disturbance:Physics Noise is a disturbance, especially a random and persistent disturbance, that obscures or reduces the clarity of a signal.

I feel when a noise stops you from sleeping and stresses you out so its all you think about, it has made its way into being a major part of your story and to tell a positive and healthy story about your life you have to let go (walk away) of the things (noises) that makes your story sad ....Your story needs to be a happy one full of good things not noises that obscures or reduces the clarity of a signal

I hurt and I hurt a lot...... Maybe I am over sensitive or maybe I am not like the people who hurt others so easily ......I cry and I let things run through my head until I am questioning if  I am a good person or if I'm the bad person ...So what does that make me besides stressed ...I have no idea ....

This past year I have questioned so many times if I was even close to intelligent....If my sickness and pain was even real and if I even had one friend in this world ...I had built up self confidence over the past 10 years and it seems this past year its back to where it was when I was in my abusive marriage ....

I don't know what I can do anymore to make all the noise stop in my head or to get out of this corner I have backed myself into................

At least here I feel like I can say what I want ....I feel this is my place where I can be me and say how I truly feel

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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