Introduction to my Story

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

This is what I am about ..........
I am a woman who was in an abusive marriage for almost 28yrs
I met and married my abuser when I was almost 16 yrs old
By the age of 20 I had given birth to 3 sons suffer the lost of a beautiful baby girl (stillborn)
 and had been physically, verbally  and mentally abused for 4yrs
The physical abuse went on for another 15yrs but the mental and verbal abuse never did stop
until that day I walked away for the last time June 2001

I wanted to write you all this little message today not to tell you of my abusive past
but to let you all know there is life after abuse
years after walking away I am now a woman who is happy
I married a wonderful man on Jan.3 2003
who treats me like I have never been treated before
Showers me with love and calls me his princess

Now my life’s passion is to help other women who have been and still is in an abusive relationship
and reach the children who are involved
so we can bring an end to this terrible cycle of Domestic Violence

 You know if we had been in a battle for our country we would
have all been declared heroes for the things we went through
And if someone other then the man we married would have done the things
that were done to us and forced us to live that kind of life
they would have all been arrested and charged with war crimes

Yet we are not declared heroes when we leave
We are just questioned on why we stayed so long
We are not repaid for lost of years, mental torment and physical harm
We are just expected to put it behind us and move on
And the ones still fighting are just being ignored and left alone to survive or die
 These women need people to stand in the gap for them and to show them they are not alone
They need to know someone is there for them

I wondered what advice I could give to women today who are still in an abusive relationship
and  I guess it would have to be more of a plead then advice
I want to tell you all that life is to short and you are to important to waste another moment
living that kind of life. There is happiness outside the cycle

For you who have children
you may think it isn’t affecting them but it is and they see even more then you may realize
and everyday you stay is a day that will affect their future and what each one of them will become
Children of abused women may:
Be injured during an incident of parental violence
Be traumatized by fear for their mother and their own helplessness in protecting her
Blame themselves for not preventing the violence or for causing it
Be abused or neglected themselves
Why should they have the responsibilities of stopping the cycle ? Why not us?
and I know from experience when you do leave you will look back and ask
Why did I stay so long ?  Why didn’t I see the damage it was doing to my kids ?

Then there is advice I would offer to women who are ready to take that step and walk away
First I would tell you don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends and family
Most of them have been waiting for this day and would be more then willing to help
Join a survivors support group, physically or online this will help you heal
Take time to get to know yourself again the real you that you had to bury and hide
Spend time with your children and explain what is happening so they wont feel alone
I wouldn’t dare try to tell you that the path you now have to take will be easy
Because it probably won’t be But you are now in control of your life and
you get to make decisions you get to decide what you want for you and your children
and to have that freedom will make each day more easier to face

I think my favorite quote for days that are hard and when bad memories come flooding
back is “So what do you do when the spinning starts and the motion carries the time wild
by you and you cannot stop to see one thing to grab and stop yourself ?
You stand still the best you can and say strong and loud
For the circle of spinning to stop so you can walk away from the noise”

For women who are still being abused  I can only wish and pray that one day
soon you will find the courage to walk away and discover a world
that allows you to be you and my quote for you would be
”I promise to hold you in mind
as a cupped hand protects a flame”

My only hope is to help others caught in this terrible cycle

Concerning the advice I have offered in this message I do not claim to be a
licensed expert in any field of Human Services,
its only given by a women who have lived through domestic violence and survived.



The Housekeeper said...

Kat I wish I was as free with my words as you. You humble me! I like lots of other woman have experienced evil in people - I''m just not ready to confront it, so i adopt the acknowledge and dismiss way forward.

I find you quite inspirational and wish we knew each other in the real world because my story is not one I easily talk about.

I enjoy reading you ....... Please don't stop!

Kat said...

Thank You ....



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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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