My Spiritual Struggle

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

This time of the year always sets me on some kind of spiritual journey..... A journey that is usually inside of me ....I try to understand what my beliefs are and where I belong...Now I know Christians would call this being *under conviction* and *wanting to be saved* But it is not that ....That usually involves a lot more then I am ready for or even believe to be right.....
For many years I did believe that until I started to think and look at other religions that I was told were wrong ...They were people just like us and truly believed in what their church stood for ..... Some were even more committed to standing by and following the beliefs the church had .....I think there is no question that there is a higher power out there ....We call him God others call him by different names ....I truly admire people from all religions that follow the path that is set out by their churches and being true to what they say they are but its still not what I am searching for .....
I studied Paganism and Wicca for a couple of years and it's something that I understand and the people who are involved are not Satan worshipers or people dancing naked in the moonlight casting evil spells on people ...They are people just like us but chose a different path to worship their higher power/powers  but still they weren't what I was searching for either ....There were things there that didn't satisfied the part inside me that needs to be in line with its creator
I do believe there is a God and I think people all over the world no matter what name they chose is all talking about the same one ....Some do evil in the name of God and some do good....I am not sure about Jesus and if he really was the son of God and he died and rose again .....It confuses me and I refuse to simply believe it because they say its true ...I hate the silly way they answer you when you question it and tell you "Its ok you don't need to understand ...You will when you see his face".....I do need to know now and until I do I will just say I believe in God
But that doesn't explain my desire to search for answers each spring but I think this may be the closest I have come to a reason
"The pagans celebrated spring each year, for more than a thousand years before Jesus'birth,
indeed, long before Christianity made its official entrance. They believed that spring was a time of renewal and fertility. It represented new life and the resurrection of nature after the dead of winter. Spring festivals revived various sexual rituals which honoured the sun's welcoming and warming rays after the cold of winter with its short daylight hours, snow and stormy nights.
Spring brought the promise of longer and warmer days which offered life giving forces and much need warmth."
Spring is a time of renewal ...Its a time when we recommit to our plans and take the heaviness that winter had burdened us  with and become like a butterfly that is finally free from the cocoon and go and celebrate new beginnings and happiness ... I personally suffer so much in the cold winter months with unbearable pain from Fibromyalgia  and as the weather warms I begin to feel so much better so it really is like an heavy load  removed and a feeling of joy and happiness ...Isn't that the basic of what we all believe I may not be right to some but this is what I chose to believe and I respect the people who are truly devoted to what they believe no matter what it is ...For me I will continue to question and search but for now...I will enjoy this happy time because if your a Christan or pagan its all about thankful and happy time ...Its a time no matter what we believe for hope and renewal
So.... Happy Spring....Happy Easter..... Happy Spring Equinox ....Happy Happy Happy

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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