Five Minute Friday : Present

Friday, July 12, 2013

I know this is kind of long for 5 minutes but I only had to copy and paste the poems .....When I think of the present I always go back to my past because it shaped my present and even my future ....because of my past I cannot think or even stay in the present for long without my mind wondering back to that terrible time in my life ....My present was shaped by those 28years and to this day its a time that I have buried so deep inside they have become just missing pieces ......So if anyone out there is going through a hard time in your present remember there is always hope and in time the deepest wound will become just scars .....



The Past
She was sleeping soundly when she awaken by a voice
The sound of someone calling its time to make your choice
When she opened her eyes the darkness made it hard for her to see
Then she heard I’m the ghost of your past and you must come with me
 
Her heart pounding she said who are you and where are you taking me
He answered I’m taking you on a journey to your past and how things used to be
She said No please I cannot go it's a time I have tried so hard to forget
He said I'm sorry you must come with me before your destiny is set
 
She stood with him in a doorway and watched a happy little child
Playing with her favorite doll and on her face there was a smile
Then she saw a child a little older playing baseball with her friends
She was so carefree and happy it seemed her smiles knew no end
 
She said why did you bring me here can't you see that child is me
Those were the good time from my childhood there is nothing here to see
Then all of a sudden the child was gone and a young girl had taken her place
But she was huddled in a corner without a smile and bruises on her face

She had been in such a hurry to find love she had grown up far to fast
She had married a man who abused her and was now back facing her past
She looked at the ghost and said you know I really thought I was doing right
I never dreamt he would hurt me and make me so afraid of the night
 
She opened her eyes and once more she was back laying in her bed again
She thought it all been a dream and it had left her feeling so much pain
She buried her head in her pillow to try to forget  a past she had thought was done
Not knowing she had so much more to face tonight  her nightmares had just begun

 


The Present
She had just drifted off again when she heard another voice
I’m the ghost of your present and you must make your choice
She thought why is this happening to me I cannot take much more
But suddenly she was standing by a house just outside the door

She knew at once this place had been her first home right after she had wed
She heard people screaming and dishes being smashed the noise just echoed in her head
What was she doing here she thought as she opened the door and stepped inside
This place was suppose to have been her castle but oh someone had lied

She saw a lady sitting at the window with a blank stare on her face
She turned and said to the ghost beside her why did you bring me to this place
This was the place where I lost all trust in a man that I had loved with all my heart
He promised me love and protection but instead this was where all my pain did start

She saw herself losing her little baby and facing that terrible time all alone
She watched as he cut off all ties with the outside world even taking away her phone     
Then the day she had her ears pierced and he switched her rubbing alcohol for bleach
She saw him as it burned her ears and knew he did it because a lesson he had to teach

Then she saw herself in a car her grandfather and uncle taking her away from him
Her eyes all black her nose and ribs broken and blood running down her chin
She saw stopping at the hospital because the bleeding from her nose wouldn’t stop
She’s telling her uncle tell them I was in a car accident don’t let them call the cops

She saw as she lay on the couch at her aunts house medicated and so alone
Then she heard his voice saying is my wife here I’ve come to take her home
She heard him as he said my God what have I done to you please forgive me
She saw herself in a car again on her way back to where he said she was meant to be

She watched as each blow from his hand caused scars that she would bury deep
She saw herself grow more withdrawn each day and not being able to sleep
She saw as she convinced herself that it would all change someday
She watched the love she had for this man being slowly taken away

She covered her eyes and fell to her knees and said please this pain is to hard to bear
I cant watch this anymore she pleaded wont you please take me from here
 She found herself back in her bed but this time tears were flowing down her face
She knew she would never sleep now so back and forth the room she paced

But more was in store for her tonight and her nightmares had not yet come to an end
She would take another trip and she was feeling so weak her legs became to bend
She lay on her bed again and cried while memories were flooding inside her head
She knew another ghost would come and she was so scared laying there in her bed

The Future
She must have fallen back to sleep but was awaken by another voice
I am the ghost of your future and you must make your choice
She shook her head and looked at the ghost and said No I refuse to go
But suddenly she was standing in a place all alone and she was shaking so

She was standing in her home but something terrible had happen here tonight
There was nothing only silence and she knew it was all over she had stopped the fight
She walked towards the bathroom and slowly began to turn the knob
When she opened the door she fell down on the floor and she began to sob

She saw herself laying there and she knew at once what was going on
She had thought about this so often and knew it would happen before long
She sit on the floor next to the lifeless woman whose life had been filled with pain
She whispered your ok now sweet lady for its peace you will now gain

She said to the ghost This is no surprise for me I knew this night would come
There was nothing I could do to stop this she had no place else left to run
But the ghost just shook his head and said tonight you will make your choice
This doesn’t have to happen you can stop this and with that he raised his voice

There is still hope for you he said and your much stronger then you think you are
For this was done to show you the wounds can close and all will remain is a scar
So I beg of you before I go please wont you think about what you have seen
For your destiny was being set tonight and I tell you this wasn’t just a dream

Once more she was back in her bed but silence also filled this room
She had never felt so helpless and frighten her heart was filled with gloom
She knew a choice had to be made tonight on how her life would go
She got up from her bed and smiled as of to the bathroom she did go

She knew now what she had to do she would not let this man win
She would pack her bags and run so far and never return again
She realized she owed herself so much more then what she had gotten here
Thanks to what she had saw tonight her path now had become so clear

She realized her new journey wouldn’t always be easy and some days she would cry
But she wasn’t prepared to give up yet and she certainly didn’t want to die
She looked into the mirror and tried to catch a glimpse of the girl she had buried so long ago
And for one brief moment she was sure she saw a little girl smiling her face all aglow
© 2008 KB
 
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4 comments:

Erin said...

Your post made me cry! Very heartfelt poems. There are too many women hiding in the shadows in fear. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever felt abandoned and alone and afraid and unloved. During college, I used to work as a care tech for women with eating disorders, oftentimes set off by the way that someone else had treated them (abuse, rape, molestation, etc). I saw the most beautiful, strong women when I worked there. The only problem was that they had to see that in themselves. The beauty and the strength is there. You just have to take that leap of faith out of the darkness and into the light. I've been in those shadows, as well. I was a victim of rape and assault in college. The most difficult part of it was having to hide in the shadows and feel all alone. I wish I could shout out from the rooftops to all women out there, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! EVER!!! There is always someone ready to support you and love you. .

Denise said...

You touched my heart, thanks.

Angela said...

You have a gift to work with words. I will be back here to read the rest tomorrow. Lovely! Hugs for you.

Kath said...

Thank You All

 

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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