Just Thoughts

Thursday, August 22, 2013

It's 1:14 am and I'm sitting here so awake its crazy .......My mind is racing with thoughts of  what ifs .....It was 38 yrs today when I lost my sweet little daughter ....She was born stillborn after 9 months of carrying her .....Some say  God took her so she wouldn't have to grow up in an abusive home  but I don't think that way because I had 3 other babies so why her ....Not that I would have wanted to lose one of my sons but I don't believe God picks who he is going to punish and who he will let live ....I think its disrespectful to think of our creator in that way.........

Anyways I'm sitting her thinking how changed our live would have been and how blessed she would have been to have 3 wonderful brothers protecting her

I guess we don't understand why certain things happen ....Maybe if I would have been stronger when I was being abused things would have been better for everyone ....I just know tonight my heart is aching just like 38 yrs ago when my arms ached to hold my baby .....I love you little girl and I will always honor you on this day

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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