I want me back

Monday, September 9, 2013

It's almost 2 am and I'm sitting here staring at a photo of Michael and I that was taken 3 years ago but looking at it now it seems like an eternity ago..... Let me show you the picture ....

The woman in the picture looks so happy and a smile that I haven't seen in a long time ....... I know I shouldn't look back but I have this say that this last 2 years have been so hard on me ..... I felt so lost today and while I was crying I told Michael I really believed I was losing my mind .....I felt so much despair and I was in a very dark place ........ I know when your reading this some may be thinking I was right and I did lose my mind .....
It seems like my world has changed so much since I came back to Canada ....I'm not saying everything was rosy down in the US but never like this .......
I have been in so much pain and then the feeling of being drugged all the time while taking meds to help with the pain and most of all the isolation ....I feel like I am cut off from any type of contact with the outside world .... I go days and days when the only time my phone rings is when Michael calls from work on a break ........
I don't know how much longer I can go on like this ....Michael now has a good job that he really enjoys and I guess I will have to try and settle in ......... Maybe he can get transferred to Nova Scotia or Alberta :)
If I can make it to the day that Michael is able to retire from his job I will be back down in the US the next day and I will happily live the rest of my life there ....
Some say Canada  is better than the US but I have yet to see that ...Sure we do have free "health care" but we pay more money on meds and trips there to the doctor while they play hit and miss trying to figure out what may be wrong in the same length of time it takes to order a big mac at McDonald's....
 We pay over $1600.00 a year for car insurance and that's a no fault policy down there 6 to 7 hundred  .....We paid in Greeley $900. a  month for   a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom condo and it also had a dishwasher washer and dryer and a gas fireplace ....
Up here we pay $1200. for underground parking 3 bedrooms a very tiny bathroom with just a tub that some days lets out a foul smell from the drain ...no d/w no in home w/d dirty carpet and cabinets that were made from the myrtle tree Noah had on the ark
The roof leaks in the hallway and once the tiles turn a black moldy color they change it until nest time

  Gas in Greeley CO 3.35 a gallon ... Here in Whitby its 1.25 a litre so its like 5.00 a gallon
Then the cost of living
You would need around 4,885.87C$ (4,696.59$) in Toronto to maintain
the same standard of life that you can have with 3,900.00$ in Denver, CO
(assuming you rent in both cities).
This calculation uses our Consumer Prices Including Rent Index.
Indices DifferenceInfo
Consumer Prices in Toronto are 16.04% higher than in Denver, CO
Consumer Prices Including Rent in Toronto are 20.43% higher than in Denver, CO
Rent Prices in Toronto are 29.69% higher than in Denver, CO
Restaurant Prices in Toronto are 17.70% higher than in Denver, CO
Groceries Prices in Toronto are 5.01% higher than in Denver, CO
Local Purchasing Power in Toronto is 31.11% lower than in Denver, CO
  So really no difference only better doctors in the US and the cigarettes smell more bearable
Well its 3 am now only 3 more hours and its daylight  ....Thanks for letting me ramble on and Michael I'm not sure if you read this but I am so sorry for talking you into moving up here nxt time we listen to you and go back to your beautiful western US


Maa said...

Hi Kath, I'm so sorry to see that you're so out of sorts. It's such a shame that we aren't living closer. Maybe I could have come for a chat and a cuppa just to cheer you up. I can relate to spending a lot of time alone and I know how depressing it can be sometimes. I can only send you a hug from across the pond and let you know that I'm here ... listening. Sue xox

Kath said...

Thank you Sue .... I wish we lived closer too I would love a cuppa and a chat ..., huggss

Angela said...

Sweet photo of you both together! It sounds like if you moved to a different place (apartment or house) you would be happier. It sounds interesting to compare prices, i like that. Canada is expensive. Hope all cames out fine Kath!
Wishing you a great week.

Kath said...

I feel a little better ...Coming off the pills I was on and being alone all day is not doing me any good but hopefully things will get better soon ....I know it sounds silly but I miss quiet ....There is always so much noise even when your lonely :(



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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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