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Thursday, January 23, 2014

Learning to be patience and never losing hope

Hi .... I hope your day is going great ...... I just wanted to give you an update on my diabetes .... I am slowly very slowly getting my numbers down .... I haven't quite stayed in the single digits but at least its down between 10 or 12mml/l ... Its very hard for me not to just up my insulin by 10 units at a time but I'm trying to learn to be patience......
I have been eating the same thing for breakfast every morning for the past week and that way I can tell if my numbers are going down .... Still no sweets and I am very proud of myself for that ....
I'm trying really hard to remain stress free but I'm so bad I stress over not stressing ...
I'm also trying really hard to remain positive and to shake myself of my depression that seems to be hanging on ... It's hard, everyday its harder ....I find myself falling in a routine that is not healthy for me physically or mentally .... I never go outside the *penthouse* anymore only to the grocery store and my phone never rings except for the occasional call from Michael when he gets a spare moment at work ..... What scares me the most about that is I almost like it that way ....  It doesn't look like we will be moving anytime soon because of Michael's new position at work so I hate that but I have to be thankful that he has a job and he is actually enjoying it ..... 
When we lived in Arizona I was working at the hospital there and a patient I was caring for told me if I didn't like living in the desert  make getting out of there my top priority and to not rest until I was gone ... She said sometimes if you stay in a place too long its really hard to leave even when your unhappy and I know that is true from looking back at my own life ....She said life is too short to be somewhere that makes you sad ....I think about that all the time and think is there anywhere I can live and not be sad and I'm not sure but I do know this place makes me sad .... There are three places that I have lived that I have decided once I can get out of here my feet will never touch the soil of those places again one being Newfoundland another being Arizona and now leading the list is Ontario ....But for now here is where I am and I have to make sure I don't let this place steal so much from me that I will lose the desire to leave ...anyways I apologize for my rambling and I hope you my friends are all safe happy and well.... Until next time ..........
To quote a friend of mine "is anyone reading this?"


  1. I know it is hard, but do not let the depression take control,I know at times it is hard, I have depression,and at times it is NOT easy.

  2. And sometimes it is ourselves we are unhappy with. We think changing the place where we live, the color of our hair, our job etc. will change our life, but in reality we need to accept ourselves for who we are. Focusing on self can be disastrous. Looking outward and addressing the needs of others, as you apparently did at the hospital in AZ raises our self-esteem. Why not consider volunteering at a hospital or nursing home for a few days each week? Good Luck!


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