Wednesday, March 26, 2014

It's over a year now since I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia ...So I live in pain  everyday ...Some days are worst than others but I never get complete relief ......  This last week has been the worst .... I have even wondered how I can continue dealing with this .... My days are filled with sitting then standing and walking around to work out the stiffness and my nights are filled with me on the bed crying .... Simple things like sweeping a floor or vacuuming are done with several rest periods while doing it ....

I would never ever think about ending my life but everyday I wonder how can I go on .... I am depressed, alone and angry everyday ..... I know me being like this is taking its toll on Mike because he feel so helpless in this .... I tried not to burden him because he has to work but I see the look of despair and helplessness on his face ..... That makes me feel very guilty because I am not the woman he fell in love with and no matter how much he reassures me I am still scared and full of guilt
I just wonder now if Lyrica will bring me some relief or will I have to spend this summer like last, drugged so bad I lose myself but still even then had some degree of pain

I hate Fibromyalgia :(

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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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