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Friday, May 13, 2016

Here is a little preview of what you will find inside Lost of Innocence

   I could still see where he tried to fix the wall by the entryway to hide a big hole that he had kicked into it and how it was stuffed with paper, stuffed with bags, taped and plastered; if you pushed in on it, it would move back and forth and come close to breaking.  All of this would go through my head as I would look around the house.  Whenever I looked in the living room and I could only remember the time he had held me against the wall choking me.  I could see myself on the outside of the window peeking in to see if he had gone to bed so that I could try to sneak back in after he had kicked me out into the dark so many times.  I would see the corner where he would have the gas can and an axe when he would tell us he was burning the house.  The stairs were all nicely done now, but I would always be able to see that they had chop marks in them because he had taken an axe and chopped up all my clothes and shoes one time when I was trying to leave him.  I would see the bathroom where I had spent so many nights either trying to hang on to a little sanity or maybe trying to let it go, but always praying for courage to end it all.   No matter how much he tried to dress up the house and cover all the terrible things that were done to it, he could never repair what he had done to my mind. He could patch it so that no one else would know what had happened there, but he would never be able to patch the damage he had done to me.  I was broken beyond repair.

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