Poems

*WARNING THE FOLLOWING CONTENT MAY BE TRIGGERING*
 These poems are all written by me, a survivor of domestic violence. These poems were all written shortly after I left my abuser. Some may have bad spelling and grammar because I was so isolated at the time it was all I knew. 

The following poems are all copyright and cannot be used in any way for profit or credit

Lost Of Innocence 
 I knew a young girl once just starting on love’s path
  She was so carefree and happy and would always make you laugh  
Then one day she fell in love and her world suddenly all changed
  Her life soon become full of heartache and she was playing grown up games 

She couldn’t understand how someone who loved her would want to hurt her so
  She was now trapped in a world of pain and had no place to go 
 The first time that he hurt her was the day her innocence died
  So she began to look for a place deep inside herself for somewhere safe to hide  

Each time he raised his hand to her he would tell her she was to blame
  So she would look for ways to change but her life remains the same  
She traveled deeper inside herself until she had lost sight of day  
She couldn’t understand what she had done and why her life had to be this way  

Now this carefree girl of long ago was bruised and hurting and she felt so ashamed
  She thought the world would look at her and know the truth that she was the one to blame 
 She believed when he would tell her she would never make it on her own 
 And because no one else would ever want her this prison would always be her home  

So she settled in to her life of pain and decided maybe this was where she was meant to be
  For she was just a nobody that could do nothing right as she was sure the world could see  She raised her children the best she could trying to shield them from the pain and strife  
She thought taking them and leaving would be so tough and it would ruin their life  

Then one day the pain all stopped and he raised his hand to her no more
  He told her he was so sorry and wished he could take back what he had done before 
 But it was to late by then the damage and scars he had made would never mend 
 And the love she once felt for him she had buried so deep never to be find again  

So her family all raised the best she could she had no reason now to stay 
 She packed her bags and walked out the door and ran so far away 
 She soon found out that life out there wasn’t at all like he said it would be
  And yes someone else did want her and his love for her would fill a sea  

She still has the scars and pain inside her and some days they come back to hurt her so
 But she’s slowly finding that carefree girl she buried so long ago  




The Road to Healing
  I’m sure we all know of someone who is living in a world of abuse 
  We all have thought of helping them but then thought well what’s the use
  Its seems they are quite contend to stay and live that kind of life  
And we often wonder how they can survive in a world full of strife  

Most people can’t even imagine how hard it is to go on 
 And live a normal live when you have been controlled for so long    
  You don’t even know what’s normal in a world that’s new to you
  For you’ve been sheltered for so long and lived without a view  

People never stop to think why some women can never let go 
 They just never know what its like to be so sad and always feel so low
  They never seem to understand these women have lost their soul and pride  
And how hard it is to take that step from the pain they have inside  

When you have lived a life of someone telling you what to think and say 
 Never knowing what tomorrow will bring or if you will make it through today
  Living everyday in someone else’s shadow never thinking on your own 
 Someone telling you your just a nothing and without them you would be alone  

If only people would realize these women need to know someone cares 
 They are just lost souls looking for a way to forget those awful years
  So please don’t look down on these women for one day they will find their way 
 And maybe with a smile and some understanding from you it just might be today  





Can I Be Myself 
 She was sitting by the window watching for him to come home
  She wished the time didn’t go so fast she sure enjoyed being alone
  Things would be so different when he would walk in the door
  Sometimes she thought about leaving and not taking this anymore  

She was so tired of trying to be someone he thought she should be  
Why couldn’t things be different she thought why can’t I just be me 
 The times she got to spent without him was the only time her life felt right 
 For it was then she could escape and be herself and let her heart take flight  

But another day had passed now and it was time to put herself  away
  And try to make it through the night and wait for another day
  When she could forget all the bad times and soar free as a bird in the skies
  As he pulled in she slowly walked towards the door and wiped the tears from her eyes  




Forgotten Women 
There are so many women out there today living a life of shame
  I’m sure you see them everyday though you might not know their name  
They are the ones you see with the sad eyes and the blank look on their face
  The ones who have their head bowed low their life full of disgrace  

They were once young women with so many plans of what their life would be 
 Now they were just shadows of someone else’s anger prisoners never to be free
  They live each day in fear and torment and pain no one should have to bear  
They just quietly pass you by thinking why should anyone even care  

Their pride and confidence have been stolen from them no tears left to cry
  Someone else has broken their wings and now they can no longer fly
  They are so afraid of making contact thinking it will only cause them pain 
 They spent each day struggling not to lose their selves and somehow remain sane  

These women are all victims of a world where respect is never used 
 They are the unfortunate ones who men have picked to batter and abuse
  But it’s time today to change their fate and offer them a way out from their misery 
 And though you may be only one voice it has to start somewhere can’t you see  

Tell them that’s there’s life out there and its too short to waste living like this
  Tell them how great it is to feel real love and its something they shouldn’t miss  
Tell them no matter when they need you they will find someone that really cares 
 Tell them you will offer an open hand and a safe haven from their fears  

Hold them in your mind at all times and whisper prayers for them each night 
 Pray that God will restore their wings and theses angels can again take flight 
 Be the one who stands in the gap for them till they can regain what they have lost 
 Make sure they know they will always have a friend in you no matter what the cost  





Remember the Children
  Caught somewhere in the tangle of a love that went so terribly wrong 
 Are children who didn’t have a voice and have been neglected for so long  
They didn’t ask for the pain and heartaches they had to live with everyday 
 They are the ones caught in a cycle and what a price some will one day pay  

Will they live their life in the circle or one day say it will stop with me
  Will they be able to deal with all the anger their innocent eyes did see  
Will he think it’s okay to hurt the one you love like he saw in his past  
Will she think I have to learn not be myself if I want this love to last  

I wish with all my heart now I would have known what I know today  
The damage I was doing to my children when I decided I would stay 
 I’m sorry I didn’t realize back then that I was gambling with their fate  
I didn’t know they would have to choose one day what road they would take  

I can only tell my children try to choose the path that will bring respect and love
  And never be to proud to look for help when needed from the heavens up above
  Please know if I could I would take the years back and erase all your pain
  I would give you back your innocence and let you believe in love again 





 The Letter  
There were so many things I wanted to do  
To let you know today how I feel about you 
 I didn’t know how or where to start  
So I will just try to write what I feel in my heart  

First I want to let you know I will never forgive you for what you did to me
  The things you took away from me starting with my memories 
 All the missing years that you have caused me to bury so deep inside
  For all the days I lived in terror and for all the nights I cried  

The separation from my family because you always made me choose
  The friendships I could have had and the ones you made me lose
  My little baby that didn’t make it because of all her mother’s stress
  The guilt I felt each time I failed when I tried to do my best  

The times you told me I was nothing and only you would want someone like me
  The hell I put our children through because your control had made it hard for me to see
  The pain I felt when you would hurt me because you said I had did things to make you get upset  The way I felt so useless because no matter what I did my love you never would accept  

Then there are the good things that came about from all those years of strife 
 The strength you caused me to have and the way it has helped me to change my life 
 But I thank you most for our three children for without you they would never be
  And I would have missed out on all the joy each one has given me  

So today I had to write this letter to you and try to move on and get pass all my pain 
 For now I have come to realize when I put the past behind me I have so much more to gain 
 I only wish that one day you too can move pass all your insecurities and fears
  And come to realize you don’t have to force love its comes from knowing someone cares  





Life on The Inside
  Staring out the open window, feeling trapped and so alone.  
Wondering what life was like outside the four walls of her home 
 It had been such a long time now since her freedom she had lost 
 She had fallen for an abuser and now she pays the cost  

  She thought if only she had the courage and confidence she lacked
.  Then it would be so easy to walk away and never again look back
  But that had all been stripped from her by a man who strives on control 
 He had stolen her identity and left her with only a broken soul  

Some may wonder why she stayed so long and let him hurt her so 
 But they don’t understand he had such a hold on her and would never let her go
  They just don’t realize what its like to have no tears left to cry 
 And the only freedom you can see in your future is the day you will die  

She sits staring out the open window silently wishing for someone to pass by
  Someone to come break the chains and set her captive soul free to fly
  Her pleading can be heard carried softly by angels to the world outside 
 Someone come and save me and loose the strings he has so tightly tied  







The Way We Were
  Remembering back to younger days when we were all so happy and care free 
 We all dream of a day when we would fall in love and forever it would be  
We thought of days filled with sunshine and of course a prince would come our way  
 When we talked to our friends about it we would get so excited just waiting for that day  

We would talk of walking in the moonlight holding onto his hand so tight 
 We would giggle as we talked about the way we would kiss each other goodnight
  Our parents would look at us and smile knowing what we were whispering to our friends  
Those were such innocent days I wonder why they ever had to end  

Now years has passed and yes for most of us our prince did come our way
  But some were fooled and didn’t get the prince we talked about that day
  He came our way posing as a friend someone to love us till the end  
But that was all an act and he soon changed from the way he had began  

 His ways were cruel and ugly and his fist would hurt us all so much 
 We weren’t one of the lucky ones that would feel love from a gentle touch
  We lived each day in misery hurting from an hand that held so much control
  Each day losing more of our self as this evil one stole our soul  

But there are days when we all sit and dream of sunshine days and princes saving us 
 We know we must break free from this prison and regaining our soul again is a must 
 So let me take your hand dear friend and help you find your way
  Back to when we dreamt of real love and lived those care free days  





Learn To Go Under 
 I think back today to all the people who offered advice to me  
They all thought it would change my life and maybe make me see
  But there’s one piece of advice I received from so very long ago
  Oh my friend why did I heed it I was much too young to know  

Sometimes when I close my eyes I can still remember that day
  I was bruised and feeling so helpless when she came by my way  
 I can still hear her words echoing inside my head like thunder  
If you want this to work my dear you have to learn to go under  

But I have such a strong will I told her why I should let it go 
 Why can’t I fight back when he hurts me we are battling for my soul 
 She just shook her head that day and said I know of what I speak
  Please just give into his demands if your sanity you wish to keep  

Friend I listened to your advice that day and oh it cost so much 
 I lived almost half my life never feeling love’s gentle touch 
 Now that I am free and I’ve regained back some of the things he stole
  I think of you and if you ever regret letting someone steal your soul  





Why Did We Stay
  So many people ask us this question why did you stay so long 
 The first time that he hurt you didn’t you realize then the love was gone  
Well let me try to paint you a picture of what our life was like living in that hell 
 And maybe you will understand what it was really like coping in that prison cell

   First take with me a little trip to a town somewhere in a far and distant place
  Let me point out to you a lady full of innocence and a smile upon her face 
 Watch as a man approaches her and tells her he can make all her dreams come true
  And listen as he tells her come with me I promise I will always take good care of you  

Let’s follow her to his world where he first showers her with promises and love   
Watch as she realizes this man must be an angel that was sent from up above
  Now let’s watch him really carefully as she makes a little everyday mistake  
Can you hear him say you are so stupid as the tears fall down her face
  
 Watch how he takes her in his arms and tells her don’t cry its all okay  
Listen as he tells her please don’t let it bother you I love you anyway 
 But wait let’s not leave quite yet there are still lots of things left to see  
atch as he slowly takes her pride from her then her confidence and dignity  

Let’s watch as she turns from the mirror and ask Do you think I’m pretty tonight
  Listen as he answers your pretty to me and that’s all that really matters right
  Let’s move ahead to a year or two now and see what’s happening at their place
  Do you see her? There she is lying on the floor with bruises on her face  

 Do you see her laying there bruised bleeding and crying begging for her life
  While he stands above her yelling you are so lucky I took you for my wife 
 No one else would have you and put up with the stupid things you do and say 
 Do you realize now without me your nothing and I will never let you get away  

 Please don’t leave yet there is just a few more things I want you to see and hear
  Look carefully at her face see its blankness and sad eyes and look at that empty stare  
See how he has taken her very soul away and he did it so gradually day after day
  Leaving nothing now but a empty shell with no thoughts of her own, no will to run away

   Can you understand a little better now what happen to her and why she chose to stay  
Did you see how he got her to believe without him she would never find her way 
 She’s about to come to her crossroad where she decides which road to choose   
No matter her choice is I hope you understand better since you’ve walked in her shoes  





The Mind of The Abuser
  I have tried so hard to understand why you do the things you do  
What goes on inside your head do you feel remorse when it’s all through  
What happen in your life to make you feel you have to hurt the ones you love  I’ve searched for answers to these questions I’ve even asked the one above  

Do the powers you gain from making them cry make you feel more of a man 
 Do you like the feeling that comes from the pain someone feels from your strong hand
  Do you like the way you feel as you slowly take their pride away 
 When you lay down to sleep at night are you proud of what you did today  

Was it something in your childhood that made you feel helpless and so weak
  Did it take away your confidence and make you crave for the power you now seek 
 I wish I could understand why you feel like you always have to feel control  
Why it’s so important to hurt and bruise and sometimes kill another’s soul  

If you could tell me once you have tried to stop the things you do  
If you could just say you have been so wrong and want someone to help you
  But you have decided the only way to feel good about yourself is to cause another pain  
That’s why you’ll never admit you need help and will continue to play your power game 





The Past 
 She was sleeping soundly when she awaken by a voice  
The sound of someone calling it’s time to make your choice  
When she opened her eyes the darkness made it hard for her to see  
Then she heard I’m the ghost of your past and you must come with me   
  
Her heart pounding she said who are you and where are you taking me  
He answered I’m taking you on a journey to your past and how things used to be 
 She said No please I cannot go it’s a time I have tried so hard to forget  
He said Sorry you must come with me before your destiny is set    

She stood with him in a doorway and watched a happy little child  
Playing with her favorite doll and on her face there was a smile  
Then she saw a child a little older playing baseball with her friends   
 She was so carefree and happy it seemed her smiles knew no end  
   
She said why did you bring me here can’t you see that child is me  
Those were the good time from my childhood there is nothing here to see  
Then all of a sudden the child was gone and a young girl had taken her place 
 But she was huddled in a corner without a smile and bruises on her face  

She had been in such a hurry to find love she had grown up far too fast  
She had married a man who abused her and was now back facing her past 
 She looked at the ghost and said you know I really thought I was doing right 
 I never dreamt he would hurt me and make me so afraid of the night
     
She opened her eyes and once more she was back lying in her bed again  
She thought it all had been a dream and it left her feeling so much pain  
She buried her head in her pillow to try to forget a past she thought was done  
Not knowing she had so much more to face tonight her nightmares had just begun  






The Present 
She had just drifted off again when she heard another voice  
I’m the ghost of your present and you must make your choice  
She thought why is this happening to me I cannot take much more 
 But suddenly she was standing by a house just outside the door  

She knew at once this place had been her first home right after she had wed  
She heard people screaming, dishes being smashed the noise just echoed in her head
  What was she doing here she thought as she opened the door and stepped inside
  This place was suppose to have been her castle but oh someone had lied  

She saw a lady sitting at the window with a blank stare on her face  
She turned and said to the ghost beside her why did you bring me to this place 
 This was the place where I lost all trust in a man that I had loved with all my heart
  He promised me love and protection but instead this was where all my pain would start  

She saw herself losing her little baby and facing that terrible time all alone
  She watched as he cut off all ties with the outside world even taking away her phone
 then the day she had her ears pierced and he switched her rubbing alcohol for bleach 
 She saw him as it burned her ears and knew he did it because a lesson he had to teach  

 Then she saw herself in a car her grandfather and uncle taking her away from him
  Her eyes all black her nose and ribs broken and blood running down her chin 
 They were stopping at the hospital because the bleeding from her nose wouldn’t stop
  She’s telling her uncle tell them I was in a car accident don’t let them call the cops  

She saw as she lay on the couch at her aunt’s house medicated and so alone
  Then she heard his voice saying is my wife here I’ve come to take her home
  She heard him as he said my God what have I done to you please forgive me 
 She saw herself in a car again on her way back to where he said she was meant to be  

She watched as each blow from his hand caused scars that she would bury deep 
 She saw herself grow more withdrawn each day and not being able to sleep 
 She saw as she convinced herself that it would all change someday
  She watched the love she had for this man slowly being taken away  

She covered her eyes and fell to her knees and said please this pain is too hard to bear 
 I can’t watch this anymore she pleaded won’t you please take me from here
   She found herself back in her bed but this time tears were flowing down her face 
 She knew she would never sleep now so back and forth the room she paced  

But more was in store for her tonight and her nightmares had not yet come to an end 
 She would take another trip and she was feeling so weak her legs became to bend
  She lay on her bed again and cried while memories were flooding inside her head 
 She knew another ghost would come and she was so scared laying there in her bed  


The Future 
 She must have fallen back to sleep but was awaken by another voice 
 I am the ghost of your future and you must make your choice  
She shook her head and looked at the ghost and said No I refuse to go
  But suddenly she was standing in a place all alone and she was shaking so 

  She was standing in her home but something terrible had happen here tonight 
 There was nothing only silence and she knew it was all over she had stopped the fight
  She walked towards the bathroom and slowly began to turn the knob  
When she opened the door she fell down on the floor and she began to sob  

She saw herself laying there and she knew at once what was going on
  She had thought about this so often and knew it would happen before long
  She sits on the floor next to the lifeless woman whose life had been filled with pain 
 She whispered you’re okay now sweet lady for its peace you will now gain  

She said to the ghost this is no surprise for me I knew this night would come  
There was nothing I could do to stop this she had no place else left to run
  But the ghost just shook his head and said tonight you will make your choice 
 This doesn’t have to happen you can stop this and with that he raised his voice  

There is still hope for you he said and you’re much stronger then you think you are 
 For this was done to show you the wounds can close and all will remain is a scar
  So I beg of you before I go please won’t you think about what you have seen 
 For your destiny was being set tonight and I tell you this wasn’t just a dream  

Once more she was back in her bed but silence also filled this room 
 She had never felt so helpless and frighten her heart was filled with gloom
  She knew a choice had to be made tonight on how her life would go
  She got up from her bed and smiled as of to the bathroom she did go  

She knew now what she had to do she would not let this man win 
 She would pack her bags and run so far and never return again
  She realized she owed herself so much more then what she had gotten there 
 Thanks to what she saw tonight her path now had become clear 

  She realized her new journey wouldn’t always be easy and some days she would cry
  But she wasn’t prepared to give up yet and she certainly didn’t want to die 
 She looked into the mirror trying to catch a glimpse of the girl she had buried long ago 
 For one brief moment she was sure she saw a little girl smiling back her face all aglow  






Free At Last  
At last the day has finally come my freedom was granted to me today
  Now I sit and look back at the lessons I’ve been taught along the way 
 With the tears running freely down my face there is just one thing I know  
Even thought my life was hell with you from all the heartaches I did grow  

I’ve learned not to take myself for granted and ever lose sight of me again
  There is nothing more important to me now then letting go of all this pain
  I know you think you’ve won today taking away all the things that once were mine
  But I want you to know what you took from me today I can replace it all in time

   But there is one thing you couldn’t have today thought I know you wanted it so
  And its something I will hold on too so tightly and I will never let it go
  You see since I’ve left you I’ve regained something though I never thought I would
  I have managed to dig deep inside and find my pride and now its mine to keep for good 

  So go ahead and enjoy your victory and tell the world to the victor goes the spoils
  And I will just sit here watching you but on my face there will be a smile
  Because what I walked away with today is more precious then any earthly thing
  For I have regained my pride and won by freedom and that’s why my heart can sing  



  


Mike & Kath    

The day has finally arrived and I am standing by your side 
 You hold my hand in yours and we promise forever to abide 
 I look back in time and think about the first day that we met 
 From that first moment we both knew our destiny was set  

I remember when you came my way I had given up on love
  My heart was so bruised and fragile like a wounded dove  
 You told me I was a princess and a journey we would start 
 And from that day a seed was planted deep inside my heart  

Your gentle love was like no other I had ever felt before
  Soon I knew I  had found what I was searching for 
  Love that was unconditional and would always be gentle and kind
  I knew if I searched another lifetime no greater love would I find 

   As I look into your eyes today as we both say I do 
  I know it’s just another step in my wonderful journey with you 
 I love you sweet keeper of my heart and I promise you from this day
  My love for you will only grow stronger and forever with you I will stay 



Learning to Survive 
Its two weeks today since I’ve been free from a long life of abuse
 I feel so alone, drifting without direction, my fears I will never lose
 I try to fight the urge to call him to find out if he’s lonely and doing okay 
But no matter how hard I try my fingers start to dial his number anyway 

Three months has passed and I’m still like a child that has lost her way 
To make even the simplest decisions has made it so hard to face each day 
I still have doubts if I should have stayed and gave it one more try
 I’m trying so hard to stay strong but inside I’m screaming, I just want to die 

Six months has passed and I met a man who claims I was heaven sent
 But those words echo in my mind from a man I had also thought were meant 
But still I feel the need to trust again because I crave for love and attention
 It won’t be long before I hear I’m stupid but those words he never mentions 

A year has passed I’m so confused I’m dialing his number again today
 I want to tell him of my new love and gain his approval in some small way I try to tell him how happy I am now but his words just make me cry 
He said it will never last, people like you can’t be happy no matter how you try 

Fifteen Months had passed and today I wed my wonderful friend 
He pledges me his undying love and wows to cherish me till the end 
He has been tested by me in every way and still he’s here by my side 
Hes understood my weakness and mood swings and held me when I cried 

Now it’s a year and half later and things are easier everyday 
I no longer feel the need to call him he wouldn’t understand anyway
 I still have days when I think of him and secretly wish things weren’t the way they are
 But those days are far and in between for now my open wound has become just a scar 

Two years today and I’ve come so far I’ve gained back most my abuser stole
 I’ve learned to have faith in myself and trust others and my stare is not so cold
 I smiled a lot more now and wow has it been a year since I have talked to him
 It seems my new love has taught me with time even the most broken spirit can mend 







 He Loves Me He Loves Me Not Life after Abuse 

Well she was out after living a controlled and abused life from a very young age She had married a man whose hands were so quick to be raised to her. She had given birth to his children and tried to please him in any way she could. But nothing had worked, her crying while huddled in a corner to escape his fist Her pleading for him to stop, her empty stare and her blacken eyes and swollen lips. 

Nothing had brought pity or love from this man. well now she was free! She remembers well the day she walked out with nothing but a few pictures of her grown children and how she had taken their baby pictures from the wall where they hung but couldn’t stand the thought of him coming home to an empty wall so she placed them back there and making sure they were straight before she closed the door to what had been her prison for so long. 

She had left a note telling him how she would always love him despite all the things he had done but she needed to try and find a normal life. She had still in some way took the blame for each blow from his hand by saying it’s not you it’s just that us as a couple could never be happy so I’m doing this not only for myself but for you, So you can find someone who you can be happy with 

Now almost two years has passed since that day and everyone tells her the life she is now living is normal but she wonders if it’s normal why is her mind having  such a hard time accepting it. She has remarried a man that is gentle, caring  and treats her with respect but still her mind has found no rest.  She lives every day waiting, wondering, fearing when it will all change, when he will show her who is really in control and her pain will return 

 She wants to go shopping with her sister who she wasn’t allowed to see for so long  and when she asks him if she is allowed to go He looks at her strange and answers  You don’t need to ask for my permission. But still she finds herself not enjoying the visit with her sister because of fear he will be upset when she gets back and she will have to be punished. So she rushes to get home only to find him waiting with supper cooked  and wanting to hear all about her visit and the fun she had  

The phone rings and it’s her mom and there is her husband sitting there and she feels her heart began to pound hoping that her Mom doesn’t talk long and she won’t have to look up and see him staring and shaking his head because she has now chosen her mom over him because she was talking and laughing. But instead she sees that he isn’t even noticing and when she hangs up instead of hearing, Now that’s why your mom should only call twice a week, She hears, How is your mom and dad doing? Did you tell them I said Hi?  

She cooks a meal and the potatoes has hard lumps in them Again she feels guilty and stupid and waits for him to push his plate back and say I can’t eat that why are you so stupid You can’t even cook potatoes. But instead he tells her how wonderful supper is  and thanks her for cooking it. She looks up to see him staring at her and immediately she lowers her head and waits for him to say You are getting fat and its making you look so ugly, I hope you know I could find someone prettier and skinnier then you but I choose you. Instead she hears him say, you are so pretty and I am so lucky you are in my life So maybe she has at last found that normal life she had craved for.  

Maybe finally she could trust again and let herself be happy. Maybe someday soon she won’t feel guilty because she had found happiness and her ex was still searching for his still living a life of arguments and torment fighting to win control over his new love.  She glances up and sees the dozen roses that he had brought her yesterday  they were sitting on the shelf near her doll and other things he had given her.  All those gifts that she knew he wouldn’t take back or break because they were hers and she smiled and says to herself 
Maybe this is normal  

   

People may think once the victim is away from her abuser they are all right and their life suddenly turns normal. But most victims of abuse live everyday wondering,What is Normal?
 They live a life of not trusting any happiness or love they receive  
Still carrying the battle scars of a past that is embedded in their soul  




For the children who live with abuse
  


Prayer of a Child 
 He buries his head into the pillow and cries late into the night  
Wondering why his life is so cruel and why no one just holds him tight  
His little body hurting from the pain afflicted by someone who was suppose to care  
He is so young but still he dares to ask God why he has such heavy burdens to bear  

He tries to be so good but no matter what he does it’s never good enough it seems 
 Even the darkness won’t bring him peace the pain has found its way into his dreams
  He thinks Daddy why can’t you love me like the daddy down the street  
Why can’t I be like all my friends and not have so many secrets to keep  

Daddy you tell me I’m bad and I must be punished for the bad things I do 
 But can’t you see I’m trying so hard to just be loved and cared for by you
  To be able to hear you softly telling me you love me and how I am your little man  
 Instead I feel anger and you tell me how I deserve each blow from your uncaring hand  

He wipes the tears from his eyes and recites the prayer his teacher had taught them today
  She had said if they would quietly whisper this prayer it would make any bad dreams go away

Father, unto Thee I pray, 

Thou has guarded me all day; 
Safe while in Thy sight, 
safely let me sleep tonight. 
Amen 
Poem written by Kath

Prayer by Henry Johnstone  






Gathering Memories  
We stay for the children we say they need a Mom and a Dad 
 We think if we leave before they are grown their life will be sad  
But if we would open our eyes and look closely we would know
  They are gathering memories from watching each slap and blow

   The first memory they gather is the screaming shouting and noise
  The second is the covering up and the settling and telling lies 
  They gather the memory of acting violent when things don’t go their way  
Then the memory of not being themselves and watching every word they say  

They gather memories of low self esteem and disrespect for those in their life 
 Then the memory of a normal life that must be hitting fighting and strife
  Next memory in the basket is to have power you must learn to control  
Then they gather to have peace you must surrender your whole soul  

So when you look for excuses again why you think you have to stay 
 Take a close look at your children and watch what they store away  
Are the memories in their basket what it will take to keep the cycle going
  Because they will surely reap the benefits from the memories you are now sewing  







Sketches of My Life  
 An innocent little baby girl starting off in life  
Never knowing how true happiness feels just a life only touched by strife   
   Never having someone to love and protect her from all harm  
Never having anyone who was captivated by her smile and charm
  Playing with dolls and pretending she has babies of her own 
 Giving them hugs and kisses and love like she had never known  
 Each night dreaming visions of what tomorrow would hold  
Never knowing the journey she would take would be so hard and cold  




  
The little girl has grown now into a teenage child 
 Somewhat a rebel but capturing hearts with her smile  
She had made so many friends and her journey was beginning to look so bright
  Still dreaming of tomorrow when she closed her eyes at night  
Dating a young man that had won his way into her trusting heart  
With so much innocence down the path of life with him would start
  Never reading or even knowing all the signs and red flags that would appear 
 She just plunged into adulthood down a path that would be filled with pain and fear  



  

Here she is now four years later pain written across her face 
 Years added and her empty blackened eyes staring off in space
  She had already lived a lifetime of pain that no words could ever explain 
 He had beaten her into submission stole her soul and left her chained 
 She could find no way to escape he had stolen her desire to be free  
She was left with nothing but fear of what tomorrow would be  
 Her dreams were filled of wanting to be with someone who would care
  Her journey was growing darker her heart like her path was bare  

  





                   Well finally many years later she had at last broken free  
But she was bearing so many battle scars as in her face you see
  Life had not be so kind to her and it had added years to her face
  But now she was free from him and in this world would find her place 
 Her mind had blocked each memory so her innocence would be still intact 
 Those years were now all missing pieces that she wished would not come back  
But still bits and pieces keep creeping in reminding her of the journey she took  S
he tries so hard to put it behind her but her face still bears the blank look  

  







Now three years later she married a man that showers her with love 
 It seems someone heard her prayers and sent this angel from above 
 Most of the pain has left her face and her smile she has found once more 
 She’s now treated like a princess from a man that she loves and adores
  She now feels like she’s sixteen once more and the years has left her face  
He treats her with respect and vows in his heart she will always have a place
  She still has days when memories come back and she feel her abusers pull 
 But she is now stronger and wiser and will never let him regain her soul  



Please Return the Missing Years
 Sitting alone trying so hard to understand my life and how this came to be 
Searching for someone to understand how living with this emptiness feels to me
 Living so alone missing so many memories not knowing which way I should go
 Why can’t someone help me find my past A past that I know had hurt me so

 Why can’t someone turn the key and unlock the terrible secrets buried deep 
Please can’t you find all the missing pieces and return my memories for me to keep
Why should live in darkness wondering what had happen or how my life was shaped
 Those missing years were mine and mine alone not for someone else to cruelly take 


I walk alone down a path of darkness with fireflies casting little drops of light 
But then there are so many secrets scattered on the pathway hidden from my sight 
It’s all so overwhelming trying to stop all the thoughts that scream inside my head 
There are no answers for me just pain and confusion trying to sort out the life I lead

 I know from what I can remember my path has been filled with much hardship and pain
 I know I seen many days of sunshine but mostly I have faced the bitter cold and rain
 What was done that caused me to hide and protect myself by blocking out the past 
Without knowing the answers my need to search will remain my pain will always last 

I need someone to take my hand and walk with me for I must never be alone 
Although I need and want to find these missing years I must not do it on my own
 I know I will needs someone when the past resurfaces to dry my falling tears 
Please come let me lean on you and walk slowly while I search for my missing years 






The Empty Chair  

A seagull walks the beach looking at the empty chair 
 Like us he must be wondering who was sitting there 
 The waves splash unto the seashore as the water begins to rise
  The lighthouse continually cast its beams to where the danger lies

  Once there was a troubled lady sitting in the chair filled with helplessness and despair
  But now all remains are fading footprints in the sand and the lady has disappeared  
 She couldn’t deal with her pain and sorrow and the waves they softly called her name
  She tried hard to stay strong but she knew just few steps and she would lose her pain

  As she walked into the ocean while the lighthouse beams beckoned her to turn around 
 She felt the warm waves wash over her and sweep away the chains that had her bound
  She took a glance back towards the shore as the sea engulfed her into its embrace 
 She whispered farewell to the world as the water splashed around her face  


Now the seagull sits and waits and the lighthouse beams grow dim from morning light 
 All we see is the empty chair where once she sat before she decided to end the fight
  The ocean and now hold the secret of the woman and the heavy burden that she bore   
 All we see is her footprints in the sand and her empty chair that sits there on the shore  

   This poem is not suggesting by any means that suicide is the answer  It is written to show us how desperate the victim may be and make us more determined to end Domestic Violence and give these women hope There is nothing any greater than life after abuse  






Leaving the Past Behind
 There is a closed door in my mind one that stands for a past of hurt and pain 
 I have locked it tight and walked away there is nothing inside there for me to gain  
It was all a part of a life that seems so far away now from my healing soul
  There is nothing behind that faded door only memories that always left me cold

   There comes a time in all our lives when a door we have to close and walk away 
 Because in our heart we all know outside that door of misery there is a better day
  Why continue living in a past that hurt us so and added years to our young life 
 How can we find true happiness if we refuse to let go of all the pain and strife  

   We cant continue going back and opening the door and reliving each day of abuse
  If we are true survivors we must seal the door forever and never let it be jarred loose  
We must reach the point in our healing where we have finally let all of our hurt go  
We need to say enough is enough I refuse to let my past rule my future so  

How can we repair our broken wings behind a door that holds us prisoners in our past 
 If we are to fly we must first step outside and shut the door and feel free at last
  The world is such a wonderful place and yes even for us there is a special day 
 So please be brave my friend and forget the door and for once just walk away  



Where Is My Place in This World  

Seems I have lost my way it’s so dark around me I can barely see 
 I stumble daily not knowing where this darken thorn covered path is leading me 
 Where can I run where I can hide when I know off the path is so unsafe and unsure  
If only I could fixed this pain that has burned its way down into my souls core  

I glance back over the journey I have taken on this path and life has not been kind  
I have never been able to count on anyone to make me feel like everything was fine 
No one can be trusted with my heart I must guard it because they just tell me empty lies 
 Why should I open myself to anymore pain no one can quiet my soul’s sad cries  

My eyes only see this path as a straight path to destruction a never ending life of pain 
 I must stay here trying to find the person I have hidden to protect her from going insane
  How can I handle all this guilt that I have to carry forever and all the tears I have cried 
 I fall on my knees the thorns pierce into my skin a welcome pain from what I feel inside  





Women who have survived  
We are a group of ladies who have won against all odds in our life 
 We have taken back our independence and ended our years of strife 
 We have lived a life that would have made most fall along the way 
 But we are fighters and survivors that’s why we are here today  

We lived a life of control and endured more than anyone should have to bear  
But we all decided to take that first brave step to freedom to finally break clear 
 Most people don’t understand us and why we stayed so long living in the pain 
 But please try to understand how anger clouded the vision of what we had to gain  

So we are here today some tattered bruised and weary from the fight 
 But still we hold our head up high knowing we are finally free from the night 
 So let us be there for you and maybe together we can make this world see  
Angels with broken wings and tattered souls can still fly proud and free    

This Poem was written in honor of a wonderful group of Ladies  That I owe so much to  Thank You  Women against Domestic Violence  


















Kindred Spirits 
 Two women standing together promising to watch each others back 
 Trusting and knowing the other’s support for them will never lack
  One holding a single red rose that signifies their common bond  
They both have risen from abused and now share the same song  

Their stories are so alike most people would think their life was one 
 They have fought the same battles which some would even say they’ve won
  People don’t understand the rose still blooms like scars embedded in their soul 
 Although they have finish the battle the war still holds and leaves them cold  

What may seem normal to so many is still a hardship to these two everyday
  They both struggle to find happiness and most times feel lost along the way  
Still searching for acceptance and never feeling they are truly understood 
 Never trusting a hand that reaches out to them like people expect they should  

These two women can only depend on others that understand their pain  
That’s why they’ve become kindred spirits and from each other comfort gain 
 So for now they both share the single rose with thorns that stand for battles fought
  Hearts still bitter from all the pain but slowly learning from the lessons taught  

This Poem was written for my bestest friend Melissa  




What Would It Take For You to See  


Walking through a graveyard one day I couldn’t help but think 
 Why so many had lost their lives that year what was the missing link
   Later I read how a disease had struck that town and taken so many away
  My heart was saddened as each headstone still echoed their young cries that day  

Then I thought Is this what it would take for the entire world to see the danger at hand 
 For them to realize today we have another epidemic that is sweeping through our land 
 This time the disease is called Domestic Violence and each year it claims so many lives
  I thought would it take a walk through a graveyard for us to hear their pleading cries  

Would it take the headstone of a murdered lady who suffered so much abuse and pain 
 The man who was depressed and beaten down taking his life was all he had to gain
 The child who couldn’t go on living with pain afflicted by someone stronger than him 
 When we stand and read their headstones would the pain and tears make our eyes grow dim  

If we put all the victims in one large graveyard and let the whole world come and view 
 Would each one realize this must be stopped and wonder what they could possibly do 
 Well this day you must decide to walk away or stand and fight so they don’t die in vain
  So many innocent victims are depending on you to stop this useless loss of life and pain 






Second Chance  
You know you’re facing a new beginning you have be given a second chance
  And you know you’re about to start the journey no time left for that second glance  

Some people would be scared of repeating past mistakes
  But you are looking forward to playing for such high stakes
  You have never been more determined to see this journey to the end
  You have already vowed to climb each mountain and get safely round each bend  

This time around you have more confidence and pride in what you do 
 But more important in this part of your journey you have someone looking out for you 
 You have chosen someone who will be there when the path gets rough
  And you know if you stumble his hand will be there to help you get back up  

So no looking back it’s time to start your journey to begin
  And you both know because of the love you feel you will make it to the end  































I  Believe In Your Love 
 There are no words my darling that could really tell you what your love has done for me
  It has given me a new life like the sun gives each day as it rises over the sea 
 I had lost all faith in love I never dreamt I would ever again feel this way  
You have given me a new beginning like a new dawning of the day  

You have made my heart feel young and free you have erased all my past  
You have made me believe in love again and shown me happiness can really last
  The way you hold my hand as we walk and talk of our plans and dreams 
 The way you take my breath away for this I have waited a lifetime it seems

   When you look in my eyes and tell me you love me and I’m the only one for you  
You make me feel alive again as a rose feels when touched by morning dew
  The peace I find as I drift off to sleep while lying in your arms at night
  The joy I feel when I’m awaken by your kiss in the mornings early light  

So forever you will be my one and only for with you I feel complete
  You have fulfilled all my fantasies and my every need you always meet 
   So I can only hope you know I love you sweet soul mate of mine 
 I will love you with a love that’s true and faithful until the end of time  

For Mike


  

My Angel 
Alis volat propriis

 I never got to know you the kind of daughter you would be
  I never got to curl your hair or hold you close to me 
 I still don’t understand right up to this day 
 Why God decided to take my little girl away   

I had so many plans for us and the thing we would do  
But I never got to share all those plans with you 
 Its been 42yrs now but it seems like just yesterday  
The pain I felt the day you left was such a price to pay  

I know God must have needed you to take you back so soon 
 But I think of you each night I stare up at the stars and moon  
So this poem is a tribute I have written for my little girl 
 Even if I never got to know you you’re still a big part of my world  







I wanted to tell you about a special friend of mine  Her name is Marilyn and I think this was the most difficult poem I ever wrote  It was so hard to put in words the way I feel about her She has been so many things to me and done so much She is my sister and best friend for always  I love you Sis Thank You for always being there for me  

My Sister 
 It was so hard to know what to say about a sister like you
  Someone who stands by me no matter what I do 
 When I think back over the years I can only say 
 You were my truest friend and its still that way today  

You held my hand when things were tough
  and gave me safe haven when my life got rough  
You were always there and never turned me away  
When I was so tired you always gave me a place to lay  

Some people would have said I can’t take it anymore
  But you would always welcome me when I stood at your door 
 The closeness and love I feel in my heart for you  
I owe you a debt that will be forever overdue  

There is no way I could ever pay you all the things I owe  
But I can start with these few things I want you to know 
 You are so special to me I can’t find words to explain  
How you helped me to deal with all my heartache and pain  

There were so many things I missed in your life  
You growing up and sister talks late in the night
  I missed when you took that big step and said I do  
The birth of your child I wasn’t there to share the joy with you  

But I need you to know in my heart I was there 
 And even if I couldn’t show it I truly did care  
So I hope this poem lets you know in a way  
You are always in my thoughts even if you are far away 




  My life is so much happier. I still have my dark days and that is why I want to stress to anyone that reads these poems to please think about what you want. I have memories now of things that happen that literally makes my heart hurt. I sit on the side of my bed and cry while Mike holds me. I live with guilt for not being a good mother. I was also really sad when I looked back over my life and seen that the first forty two years of my life could be summed up in maybe fifty pages of a book. How sad is that?

 I also wanted to ask the readers of these poems that are blessed with a happy life to be aware of what is happening around you and just let someone who’s life is not so blessed that if they ever need a friend you are there. You know if I would have been in a battle for my country I would have all been declared an hero for the things I went through and if someone other than the man I married would have done the things that were done to me and forced me to live that kind of life they would have all been arrested and charged with crimes. Yet I was not declared a hero when I left I was just questioned on why I stayed so long or heard one was no better than the other I was not repaid for lost of years, mental torment and physical harm I was just expected to put it behind me and move on and the ones still fighting are just being ignored and left alone to survive or die 

These women need people to stand in the gap for them and to show them they are not alone They need to know someone is there for them  It could save a life. I honestly believe if I had stayed another week someone would have died. 

It was just a few months ago when I was talking to my grandson on Facebook when my abuser told him to send me a song and for me to play it. The song was I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. My first instinct was to pack our things and run back to the states where I would be safe because now he had invaded my world and my safety was gone but my second instinct was to be still and know and I stayed but sometimes when I am alone in the night and feelings creep back in I will locks all the doors and close blinds and remember the days and nights I spent in fear. 

Some may say I shouldn’t even say that my abuser is still affecting my life and I agree but if what I am saying can help just one young innocent girl from going down the path of abuse and pain that I have traveled it’s all worth it. Let him have his victory because what can he truly gain.  

©KathBair

  



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“But is it such a bad thing to live like this for just a little while? Just for a few months of one's life, is it so awful to travel through time with no greater ambition than to find the next lovely meal? Or to learn how to speak a language for no higher purpose than that it pleases your ear to hear it? Or to nap in a garden, in a patch of sunlight, in the middle of the day, right next to your favourite fountain? And then to do it again the next day?”
Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

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